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How To Swear Like A Dwarf


Author's Note: I can't claim any credit for this one; its based on Christopher Perkins' table in his article 'Dwarven Etiquette' in Dragon #245. However, I removed all the weaker insults and then loaded my PC group's most creative cursor with beer and recorded these far more satisfying results below...

Andrew L
Jan 2000


Just roll a d100 or pick a result from each table A, B, and C and let fly

D100 A B C
01-04
05-08
09-12
13-16
17-20
21-24
25-28
29-32
33-36
37-40
41-44
45-48
49-52
53-56
57-60
61-64
65-68
69-72
73-76
77-80
81-84
85-88
89-92
93-96
97-00
incompetent
stinking
perfumed*
cantankerous
drooling
beardless*
hidebound
gibbering
repugnant
babbling
nitpicking
clanless*
pompous
dangling
slothful
hideous
tentacled
warty
dainty*
witless
craftless
rickety
girly
corroded
moth-eaten
anvil-dropping
lily-livered
willow-waisted*
cave-slinking
pointy-earned*
fish-catching
toe-biting
nib-chewing
poetry-reading*
rat-eaten
porridge-eating
ballet-dancing*
axe-breaking
nose-picking
lice-ridden
tree-climbing*
hanky-waving*
adle-pated
lantern-lugging
elf-kissing*
two-faced
mucus-oozing
beard-shaving*
milk-drinking
tool-snatching*
halfling's-armpit
snotling-fondler*
lump of antracite
sissy*
goblin/orc/troll-friend*
pixie*
cave-in
troll-barf*
thumb-basher
gas spore
pestie
sewer rat
crybaby*
puke-for-brains
rockrunt
stench kow
bat-dropping
smudge-rubber
oathbreaker*
tunnel worm
rust-bucket
goblin/orc/troll-spawn*
cave gherkin
fossil
stalactite

Insults marked with an * are so exceptionally vile (to a dwarf) as to be considered fighting talk.

 


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